


Chip Off the Old Block

by petrichoral



Category: The Turn of the Story - Sarah Rees Brennan
Genre: Cultural Differences, Friendship, Gen, Meeting the Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1225600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrichoral/pseuds/petrichoral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elliot thought he was prepared for elven culture. He finds he is really not prepared for Serene’s parents. </p><p>
  <i>“I am Fire-Red-Hair-Blows-in-the-Wind,” the elf man said, leading them up a grassy path. Up ahead, there was a wooden mansion that seemed to have grown organically between three massive oaks. “Please call me Fire. Although I went by ‘Fred’ for a while when I was travelling among the humans; do use that if it makes you more comfortable.”  </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chip Off the Old Block

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emilyenrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyenrose/gifts).



Elliot’s arm was stained with blood, and it wasn’t even for the first time on this stupid trip.

It was greenish and smelled bad. Elliot wrinkled his nose and tried to fold his sleeve back, but there was no way he could roll it up so the wet patch didn’t touch his skin. On the plus side, if he stared very hard at the stain he could almost pretend he wasn’t in a forest glade in the middle of nowhere surrounded by small dead bodies.

Luke stumbled over from the nearest goblin corpse. “Are you all right?”

“I am not all right,” Elliot said irritably. “There has just been a lot of death and also I nearly got _stabbed_. What about this suggests to you that I might in any way be—” He stopped. “Luke,” he said, uncertainly. “Why are you swaying— Luke!”

If Luke ever fell, Elliot would have expected him to topple over slowly and majestically, like the end of an empire. He wasn’t prepared for the way Luke crumpled onto the ground like a rag doll. He wasn’t prepared for a still, white corpse on the forest floor, or the dark blood seeping from his head into the leaf litter.

Everything seemed to move in jumps after that, like a needle skipping on a record. He couldn’t have said how many seconds passed before Serene looked up from where they were both crouched over Luke’s body, and said, “He’s just unconscious. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Wonderful!” Elliot said. “All this blood is just Nature’s way of adding colour to the scenery! Oh God what do we do.”

“Hold his head still,” Serene said. She pulled out bandaging from her pack. She had probably seen Luke bleeding too many times before to be panicking, Elliot thought, and decided he didn’t like that thought at all. “Do you have any water?”

“Water. Right,” Elliot said. His hands were frustratingly slow as he untied his flask. They hadn’t bothered teaching the Council cadets first aid. As if trying to make peace when everyone else was making war was some kind of infallible charm against ending up near the wounded. He poured an extravagant amount of his water over Luke’s head and tried not to look at the way the blood turned pink on the soaked blonde hair. “I feel sick,” he announced.

“I know this is hard for gentlemen,” Serene said. “But steady your courage.” She was cool as ice as she checked the wound and cleared it of hair. Nobody should be that beautiful doing emergency first aid in a godforsaken forest. Also _nobody should take such a dumb wound to their head_ that they made their friends do emergency first aid in a godforsaken forest. Luke was ruining this romantic moment just by being stupid and near-dead and making Elliot’s intestines feel like twisted rubber bands. In fact, this was typical. This was Luke being an inconsiderate jerk _as usual_.

When they had finished, Serene sat back on her heels and turned her head in uncharacteristic indecision. “We cannot keep him here,” she said. “This is a matter for a specialist healer.”

“We’re on the outskirts of the elven lands,” Elliot said. “Please tell me there is a secret cabal of hidden healers, handing down their esoteric knowledge to new adepts over generations.”

“No,” Serene said regretfully. “The Unseen Healing Glades are all on the western coast.”

“Of course,” Elliot said. He looked over his shoulder at the trees, which continued to be offensively green and full of shadows and murderous goblins. He hated to say that diplomacy had been a failure, but they and the goblins didn’t seem to have any common language. Luke was down and Serene would need to sleep eventually. “Purely on a practical level,” he said, “our odds are not looking good. I suggest we find a deep cave. A deep, goblin-free cave.”

Serene stared at Luke, her eyes clouding over in the way they did when she was conflicted.

“I am aware you shouldn’t move unconscious people,” Elliot said, “But our choices are _move him_ or _goblin kebab_.”

“I know where we can go,” Serene said.

“Great!” Elliot said. “Secret elven city?” he added, on the basis that there must be _some_ secret elven dwellings around here.

“No,” Serene said. “But we can get help there.”

“So what—”

“I would prefer not to talk about it,” Serene said abruptly. “I am aware this is asking a lot, and I am sorry. But you will see when we get there.” She picked up Luke’s half-ton-of-muscle dead weight – _no, not dead weight_ – and slung him over her shoulder.

Elliot nobly decided to give her space and managed not to voice any of his Luke- or goblin-related speculations. He tried to consider what they might be walking into – blood feud? Honour pact? Ruined sons? – but it was hard, because his thoughts kept circling like harpies and landing again on Luke. He tried not to look at the way Luke’s head lolled against Serene’s back as she walked.

They walked in tense silence. Serene occasionally touched marks on trees to get her bearings. Elliot didn’t know what they were telling her, but she led them down a mossy bank and then plunged into a deep cleft through a rock shelf, littered with stones. Gnarled trees clung precariously to either side.

“Um,” Elliot said. “Don’t think I’m impugning your sense of direction, but this seems like a place that goblins would flock to. Shadows. Height advantages. Nasty trees. This is basically goblin Disneyland.”

“There shouldn’t be goblins this close,” Serene said, striding between boulders while Elliot scrambled along behind. “We’re nearly there.” Her face reminded Elliot of a stone mask. He moved _blood feud_ further up his list of possibilities.

The pass opened out onto the wide floor of a valley that was nearly closed off from the outside world. Halfway across it there was an ancient wall enclosing a piece of land near the cliff. Ivy and flowering plants crept over the stones, but Elliot didn’t have eyes for anything apart from the white shimmer of magic stretched over the central arch.

Even after all this time, his breath still caught in his throat.

“Can we just walk through it?” he said. “Is it like the Border wall?”

“No, I have to –” Serene reached out with the hand that wasn’t steadying Luke. Before she was anywhere near the shimmer, it winked out like a switched-off light.

Serene took a step back, tightening her grip on Luke, and flung out her arm in front of Elliot.

In the middle of the arch stood a stunningly beautiful elf with flawless skin and hair like a banner of flame.

“Serene?” the elf said, clearly just as shocked as her.

Serene recovered her cool. “Hello, father,” she said.

 

*

  
Inside the elven compound was – well, pretty much just more wood, although it was more carefully kept and tended than the wood outside. The trees were less threatening and there were more open spaces. The open bits were covered with flowers. Elliot supposed that was quite nice, if you were into that sort of thing.

Then there was Serene’s father. Elliot still hadn’t quite got over Serene having a father.

“I am Fire-Red-Hair-Blows-in-the-Wind,” the elf man said, leading them up a grassy path. Up ahead, there was a wooden mansion that seemed to have grown organically between three massive oaks. “Please call me Fire. Although I went by ‘Fred’ for a while when I was travelling among the humans; do use that if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We are totally comfortable with elven names,” Elliot said firmly. “We are very broadminded and multi-cultural. Though I should apologise in advance for Luke.” Then he remembered that Luke was unconscious, and felt terrible. “I’m sorry, our friend got clubbed by a goblin, can we—”

“Yes, of course,” Fire said, gesturing them into the hallway. The walls of it were dark and ancient, like wood that had been polished so many times the polish had become part of it. “Serene, bring her into the house.”

“ _Him_ ,” Serene said dangerously.

There was a moment’s hesitation before Fire corrected himself. “Him, of course.” He looked at Luke dubiously as Serene lowered him onto a low couch. Elliot, on the other hand, was clearly awesome at blending into elven culture, because he didn’t even merit a second glance.

Once Luke was settled, Fire seized Serene and kissed her on both cheeks. Serene bore it with long-suffering patience. “You should have written!” Fire said.

Elliot watched them, and something entirely unrelated to Serene made his chest feel empty.

Staring at Luke just made him unhappy in different way, so he turned away to study the shadowed hallway. The wooden panels that lined it were all carved with trees. The gloom was nearly too deep to make them out, but every here and then a ray of sunlight escaped from the dozen or so doors lining the hall and there was a glint of gold: a curve of bough, a sliver of glossy leaves.

It was almost comforting, while Serene and her father had their parent-daughter reunion behind him, to be somewhere that was definitely inhuman. The doors were covered with swinging braids. Elliot reached out and took one.

“Well,” a deep alto voice said, “Normally I shoot intruders on sight, but who could bring herself to harm a pretty trespasser like you?”

A shapely arm pushed aside the braids. Elliot opened his hand, startled, and looked up into the face of an elf woman who looked like a version of Serene painted by an artist who liked their cheekbones striking. Tiny lines creased the corners of her eyes.

Eyes which were raking over Elliot appreciatively.

“I claim forfeit, my fair offender,” the elf woman said. Before Elliot could move she had seized his chin and he was being kissed – kissed adroitly by someone who clearly had a lot of practice at it.

There was a howl of pure outrage behind him. “MOTHER!”

“Ahem,” Fire said mildly, at the same time. “ _Sure_.”

It took a shocked, frozen moment for Elliot to remember that was her name. The name. Of Serene’s mother. Who had just kissed him.

Elliot decided he felt sort of violated.

Sure gave Elliot a conspiratorial twinkle. “Now I’m in trouble,” she said. She strode past him. “Welcome home, Serene.”

Serene’s voice was nearly strangled with rage. “Unhand Elliot!”

“My dear girl, I already have. You must have noticed.”

Elliot rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand and tried not to feel offended that Serene’s mum had mistaken him for some sort of human floozy. “Not to make a scene,” he said, “but I am in fact in a monogamous relationship. With your daughter.”

He might as well not have spoken. Sure looked over Serene, from her clenched fists to the pink tinge high on her alabaster cheeks, and laughed. “Don’t be so touchy,” she said. “You’re a woman of the world now – or I hope you are. If not, then what _have_ you been doing at human camp?”

“It is called Border Camp!” Serene snapped. “What made you think you had the right—”

“And who’s this lovely young boy?” Sure said. “One of yours? Well, if you haven’t turned out with good taste after all!”

Serene drew herself up to her full height, as regal as a queen. “Mother,” she said stiffly, “allow me to introduce Elliot. _My human lover_.”

“What a pleasure to meet you,” Sure said, totally unrepentant. She turned to Elliot and held out her hand human-style. Her voice was low and wicked and promising. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

For Serene’s sake, and for Luke’s, Elliot summoned up his best smile and clasped her hand warmly. “Charmed,” he said. “Unfortunately, as you can see, one of our party—”

 “Serene should have brought you home before now,” Sure said. “I do like to see young people around the place. Although don’t think we’ll be putting you in the same wing.” Her smile was verging on indecent. “I know all the tricks.”

Serene looked as if she’d had the wind taken out of her sails. Elliot took the chance to dive in. “Luke—”

“Welcome to our home, Elliot,” Fire said graciously, coming over to kiss Sure on the cheek. “Do you eat meat, or are you vegetarian?”

“Luke is bleeding and unconscious!” Elliot said loudly. “Could we please move him somewhere more permanent than a couch?”

He regretted that choice of words immediately. On the other hand, hearing of a gentleman in distress finally got Sure’s attention. “Goblins?” she said, bending over Luke and checking his bandaging. “Serene, for shame! That a gentleman in your charge should be in such a state! Poor little man, we must get him to a bed.” She lifted Luke up with ease, despite the fact he was now six feet of sinew and weaponry.

“Your friend is very _muscular_ ,” Fire said to Elliot, hovering around as if he could help.

“Yes, Luke Sunborn, strapping warrior hero, I am aware,” Elliot muttered. Then he realised he was talking to an elf, and his unholy glee was only kept at bay by Luke not being conscious to experience it.

But Luke was unconscious. Elliot looked at Luke’s limp head, and found himself saying, “Yes, because he’s a warrior.”

Sure looked down at the Sunborn champion sprawled in her arms and laughed. “This boy? A warrior?”

If Serene had managed to draw herself up any higher, she would have physically stretched her back several inches. “Mother,” she said icily, “allow me to introduce Luke.” She paused impressively. “My human swordsister.”

There was a moment of shocked silence. Fire and Sure exchanged glances.

“Ye gods,” said Sure.

“Oh _dear_ ,” said Fire.

 

*

  
Luke woke up later that evening, threw up twice, complained in a vague way that his head hurt, and fell asleep almost immediately. Serene paced. Elliot sat beside Luke’s bed and gnawed at the inside of his lip.

The room was warm and bright, with a blazing fire in the hearth and colourful drapes on the walls. The family called this section the Men’s Wing. Fire had come in several times to bring more food and bedding, and now Luke had a fluffy blanket woven with cavorting woodland creatures draped tenderly over his shoulders. Fire had chased Sure out the moment she’d laid Luke on the bed. He’d tried to chase Serene out, but Serene had made it very clear she wasn’t budging, so he’d settled for bringing them more food instead.

There were now a dozen plates of different baked snacks on the low table, but neither Elliot or Serene could bring themselves to touch them.

After a long time of quiet, Serene said, “My mother is not so obnoxious that she will come into a gentleman’s bedroom uninvited. In here you should be safe.”

Elliot refrained from pointing out that Serene was, in fact, in a gentleman’s bedroom uninvited. “We should have got Myra in our trek group,” he said. “She could have chaperoned me.”

“I will go with you if you have to leave this room,” Serene said, in a tone that brooked no argument.

Elliot looked at Luke and said, “I’m not going anywhere.”

That didn’t work out so well, because it turned out the next day that extended time shut in a bedroom with a Luke who was confused, grumpy, and winced every time people spoke made Elliot want to break things. But you couldn’t just leave people with concussion _alone_. After half an hour of sniping at each other around the point that afternoon, Serene finally said, “Fine, _I_ will watch him. Mother should be hunting now anyway.”

That made things better. Elliot ventured into the house on small errands: clean clothes, bandages, books. He had some short and pleasant conversations with Fire, who asked innocuous questions about their journey.

And then Fire mentioned that he was happy to find Elliot books, but there was a library at the back of the house, and wouldn’t Elliot prefer to browse for himself?

Elliot resisted the temptation for an entire day before he cracked. After all, libraries were safe places. He imagined Fire presiding over it like Bright Eyes back in camp, shushing chattering boys. It was only when he got to the library that evening, and found Sure writing at a desk in a pool of golden candlelight, that he realised he hadn’t reckoned with the Chaos-of-Battle women and their penchant for literacy.

Sure looked around before Elliot could back out again. Elliot waved his hands in front of him hastily. “Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ll just be going.”

“Don’t go,” Sure said, pushing back a pile of leather books. “I like my distractions young and pretty.” Her voice was tired, though, and the smile she gave Elliot almost automatic. It reminded him – it reminded him of _Luke_ , that was who. Luke talking to someone he had an autopilot for.

The comparison shocked him enough that before he could stop himself, he’d already said, “What are you doing?”

“Accounts,” Sure said. She smirked at his expression. “Did you think we elves bartered goblin skins for food?”

“I am well aware elves have a complex system of currency exchange and circulation,” Elliot said with dignity. It just hadn’t occurred to him that parental accounts weren’t just a matter of bank transfers and chequebooks. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait,” Sure said. Elliot stopped, but warily, in case he was about to be taken advantage of again. But Sure only laid down her quill, and said, “Has Serene spoken with you about her intentions?”

Elliot stopped himself from saying _I think we intend to have a lot of sex, that would be great_ , or _actually, she’s planning to abandon me and elope with a merman_. “We haven’t really talked about it,” he said instead.

“Talk about it,” Sure said. The candles cast flickering shadows over her carved features. “Serene mustn’t make mistakes.”

 _Ruined two gentlemen in the western woods_ , Elliot thought. “Um,” he said. Because of course, he and Serene were in true love and were one day going to have a beautiful marriage and babies that Luke would take care of, but that day was _a long way in the future_ , and the thought of raising the topic with Serene made his face twitch.

“Maybe you could talk to her about it! I mean, you’re her mother, this is, er, a parent-daughter bonding thing, isn’t it?”

Sure snorted. “She hasn’t been talking to me since the hunt two years ago,” she said. “Damned if I know what’s going on in her head.” She raised an eyebrow, her gaze skating over Elliot’s body, and her lips curled up into that wicked smile again. “Though I can see what her thinking is in wooing _you_.”

Elliot was saved from having to reply by Serene calling his name behind him. He turned.

Serene ducked in through the braid curtain, followed by Fire. “I have been looking all over—” she stopped, abruptly, and glared at her mother. “Have you been bothering Elliot?”

Elliot had thought Sure was fixed on him, but the moment Serene had come in, he had felt all her attention shift to her daughter. Her lips curled into a predatory smile. “Could anyone resist bothering something that pretty?”

“He is not a _thing!_ ”

Fire intervened. “Luke is up.”

“ _What?_ ” Elliot said. He grabbed Serene’s hand and pulled her away, because suddenly there were more important things than parents.

 

*

  
“Get back to bed, loser,” Elliot ordered. “Who said you could get up?”

Luke held onto the mantelpiece and looked mutinous. There was a clean bandage around his head, and he was apparently steady on his feet, but he was pale and bleary-eyed. Dusk was falling outside the open window shutters. “I’m fine.”

“You are clearly not fine!” Elliot said. “You nearly died! Why are you out of bed? Do you _want_ to rattle your brain around like a dried pea?”

“He was just unconscious, Elliot,” Serene said.

“ _Just_ unconscious!”

“I have to go to dinner,” Luke said.

While Elliot was opening and shutting his mouth, Serene nodded. “Mother has invited him down.”

“Well, disinvite him!”

“She said _if he feels up to it_ ,” Serene said, stressing the words.

Luke nodded emphatically. It was a special swordsister code, Elliot decided. And of _course_ Luke would take Serene’s suggestion over Elliot’s. Elliot changed tack. “You are in two fuzzy blankets and a pair of slippers,” he pointed out. “You are not up to handling Serene’s mother. She will destroy you.” Elliot was secretly not sure that _he_ was up to handling Serene’s mother, but Luke was a jerk with no cultural sensitivity at all, so would clearly be even worse off.

“I will call her out,” Serene said earnestly to Luke. “If she offers you one more insult, I promise you: I will take care of it.”

“Er, one more insult?” Luke said.

“Sure thinks you’re unattractively muscular,” Elliot contributed.

“She is appalling,” Serene said hotly. “Luke, I want you to know that I support your right to be as unattractively muscular as you like!”

“Me too,” Elliot said helpfully.

Serene turned red. “I did not mean for it to sound that way. I meant—”

“I get it,” Luke said. He looked down at his elven nightshirt. “Um. Could someone pass me my trousers? And my smallclothes?”

Serene wouldn’t touch Luke’s – thankfully not leather – briefs, so Elliot threw them at him. “You are not going to dinner if it’s going to do you damage, loser,” he said. “I can’t believe you can’t even walk through a wood without getting beaten up by a goblin. It was half your height.”

“There were twenty-three goblins!” Luke said.

But Elliot had already reminded himself of the horribly still piles of small corpses. He grimaced. “Well done,” he said, to cover up the memory of how he had swung a tree branch to try and keep them away from the other two. It had made a cracking sound when it hit the small, light heads. “Do you want to go back and collect their skulls to drink from?”

There was a moment of tense silence.

“I saved your life back there,” Luke said sulkily.

“ _Serene_ saved my life.”

“I am going to dinner,” Serene said. “Luke, do you need help? Walking,” she added hastily, in case they thought she was being improper. “Not changing.”

Luke flushed a dark red. “No,” he said. “I’m fine by myself.”

 

*

  
The dinner did not start auspiciously. Sure took one look at Elliot and Luke and said “Are you sure you don’t want to change into something nicer? Love, couldn’t you lend them—”

“Why don’t you boys sit down?” Fire said. His flowing hair was braided into an intricate updo and he was wearing a close-fitting brown tunic that shimmered green when he moved. He ushered Elliot and Luke firmly to seats at the round table.

Serene started explaining elven formal cutlery to Luke. Fire patted his wife’s shoulder on the way back, checked that Serene wasn’t watching, then bent down and whispered in Sure’s ear.

Elliot, who was sitting nearest, caught snatches of _“really cannot believe you”_ and _“insufferable old stick”_ and _“Serene’s feelings”_. One of Sure’s eyebrows raised, then she laughed and caught his wrist to kiss it.

By the time Serene looked back from Luke, Fire was continuing serenely towards his seat and Sure had annexed the wine jug and turned to Elliot. “Let me pour for you, young man.”

Elliot was well aware the wine of the northern elves was stronger than the watery stuff they got in the south. “Just a little, thank you,” he said, holding out his goblet.

Sure’s lips curled up in amusement. “My dear, are you afraid I’ll get you drunk?” she said. “Really, have more faith.” She splashed his goblet full. Serene glared at her from across the table.

“No wine for Luke, I think,” Fire said.

“He can have wine if he wants to have wine,” Serene said instantly.

“Of course,” Fire said. He raised an inquiring eyebrow at Luke.

Luke was looking increasingly uncomfortable. “I’m fine.”

“Wise,” Sure said, with professional concern. “With a wound like that, you’ll want to lay off the stuff for a fortnight. Serene should have taken more care about goblins.”

“If _you_ had taken more care with your patrols, Mother—”

“Goblins! Gosh, I was surprised to see goblins,” Elliot said. “You don’t get them further south – I’m sure you know,” he added, turning to Sure. He smiled winsomely. “I’m not very knowledgeable about goblinoid species. Do they live in caves?”

“Caves? No, they’re aquatic,” Sure said. “And, let me tell you, the very devil to catch. The little bastards have been retreating to the rivers since I drove them out of the waterfall pools.”

Elliot fluttered his eyelashes shamelessly and asked her for stories of her prowess in battle. He even managed to keep his total lack of interest out of his face while listening to them, helped by gulps of wine whenever she started describing deaths. In fact, it was all going swimmingly until Sure turned to Serene and said, “And how is human camp?”

“Border Camp.” It was Luke who spoke up this time. Elliot grimaced at him, trying to telepathically communicate that it didn’t matter what they called the damn camp, and Elliot could listen to half an hour of dead goblin stories to keep the family peace, Luke could find some _basic social graces_.

“Isn’t your friend charming,” Sure said, without even looking at Luke. “How is ‘Border Camp’?”

“Border Camp is fine, thank you, mother,” Serene said. She stabbed a roast chestnut with her fork.

“And your classes are… mainly men?” Sure said.

Serene ground her teeth. “Men like Luke,” she said. “Men who can fight.”

Sure turned to Elliot. “Tell me, Elliot, do _you_ enjoy the womanly arts?”

“I’m on the Council course,” Elliot said automatically. “I don’t like pointy objects or beating people’s heads in.”

Sure gave Serene and Luke a significant look. Elliot realised that, for once, that hadn’t been the most helpful thing to say. _It’s true, though,_ he thought, watching Luke stare down at his plate and pick at his food. Why should he lie to fit in with the idiots who thought killing people was glorious?

“My daughter has good taste in gentlemen,” Sure said to the table at large, sloshing her wine around her cup in a genial fashion. “She gets that from me.”

Fire cleared his throat. “Have you made many friends at camp, Serene?”

Serene slammed her fork down on the table. Elliot blinked at her, not realising for a moment why that was the wrong thing to say. Then she said, “Are these two not good enough for you?”, and he thought, _oh. Luke._

Fire bit his lip. “Serene, no, I didn’t mean—”

“Let me tell you all a funny story about camp!” Elliot said brightly.

He was about to launch into one when he realised that most of his funny stories were about Luke being an idiot. Not that this would have ordinarily been a problem, but he could see Luke in the corner of his eye, hunched down into his seat, and it occurred to him that maybe Serene’s parents didn’t need any more ammunition.

He groped for his goblet and took a fortifying gulp. If Luke was off the table, then so was he, because all of the stories about Elliot also made Luke look like a _Sunborn_ – or, as elves would see it, a hulking womanly oddity.  Elliot looked around the table in a brief moment of panic.

And he realised who the safe target here was.

“Did Serene ever tell you about when she browbeat Commander Rayburn into letting her take both courses?” he said.

“No, do go on,” Fire said, immediately enough that Elliot knew he had an ally.

“Well,” Elliot said, and hastily rearranged the tale for an elven audience. He smile engagingly. “I’d just met Luke, and I knew instantly that we were going to be best friends—”

Luke looked up at him with a flash of hope. Elliot shot him a disapproving frown for his blatant anticipation that Elliot was going to pull them out of this conversational black hole all by himself. “—and Serene swept us both up in her wake and told us how she was going to duel the Commander one-handed—”

“I did not,” Serene said indignantly, but Sure was already laughing. Serene shot her a startled look.

“— turned over his desk, with me and Luke frantically trying to save all the flying papers from the fireplace—”

Luke looked between Sure and Fire and gave a careful, mildly incredulous nod.

“—says ‘Whatever you want! Stop shooting holes in my schedule, you’ve made your point!’” Elliot beamed around the table. “It was awesome.”

“That’s my girl!” said Sure.

“Your mother means that she highly disapproves, and has never done anything like it in her life,” Fire said.

Sure threw her head back and laughed. “And if you believe that, you’ll believe your father hasn’t either! What about this lover of yours?”

Clearly fiery gentlemen were in vogue. Elliot put on a suitably innocent expression. “Sometimes you have to throw some knives to make a point.”

“Hah! I like this one,” Sure said to Serene. She clapped her on the shoulder. “If I were a little younger, you’d have to watch out!”

Elliot smiled politely and took another gulp of wine to stop himself saying anything in reply. This was Serene’s family and things were almost going well. The wine was starting to give him a headache, but that was a small price to pay.

Serene shook her mother’s hand off. “Elliot would _never_ —”

“You’re travelling north, is that right?” Fire said, interrupting her. “Swift’s troop is coming by in a few days. They might take you as far as the border.”

“Good thought,” Sure said, thumping her empty goblet on the table by her plate. “Swift can see you up through the forest.”

Both Serene and Elliot attempted to exchange horrified glances with Luke at exactly the same moment. It didn’t work, because Luke was looking down at the table in front of him.

“I think we’ll be fine,” Elliot said, smiling with his teeth together.

“You’ve travelled with her before, haven’t you?” Sure said, as if Elliot hadn’t spoken. “She gave us a report on your boyfriends—”

“They are not both my boyfriends!” Serene snarled. “Why is this so hard to understand, _Mother?_ ”

Fire seized the conversational thread before it broke. “Well, your boyfriend and your – your swordsister.”

“Swordbrother,” Sure said, and gave a bray of laughter. Her face was flushed from the wine.

Fire leaned over and put a hand on Sure’s wrist. “A swordsister is defined by the woman herself, love. You can’t change that.”

Sure shook the hand off. “Serene gets her progressive ideas from her father.” she said to Elliot. “They gang up on me.”

“Gang up on you?” Serene said, incensed. “You may listen to him, but you have never _once_ listened to me!”

Sure smirked and leaned further over towards Elliot. Through the gathering wine-fuzz, Elliot found himself clasping the side of his soup bowl very tightly. “Serene has always been a bit of a daddy’s girl,” Sure confided.

Serene’s chair slammed back as she rose. She made an abortive movement towards her shoulder, which for a moment looked comical before Elliot realised that that was where an elf pulled their bow from to shoot. “Take that back,” she snarled.

There was an odd flicker of indecision in Sure’s eyes. It disappeared so fast that Elliot wasn’t sure he’d seen it, and was replaced by a worldly-wise resignation at the younger generation's foibles. Sure lolled back in her seat, her goblet held loosely in her hand. “My dear girl, it isn’t as if I don’t like your father. I _married_ the man.”

“Say one more word about me or my friends and I will fight you,” Serene said furiously. “You think of me as a child – I will show you I am not!”

“ _Ladies_ ,” Fire said. “There are young gentlemen present!”

“Don’t stop on our behalf,” Luke said. His face was stubbornly white and red in patches and he was gripping the table with one hand.

Sure was frowning now. “Serene, sit down.”

Frozen in horror, Elliot caught the moment of uncertainty, the way Serene’s eyes flicked first to Elliot, and then to Luke. It seemed to harden her resolve. She threw up her chin. “Why, are you afraid?” she said. “Did the humans teach me to be braver than my drunken mother?”

 _No,_ Elliot thought, but his head was swimming and he couldn’t move. _This is a disaster._ He jumped up so fast he knocked over his goblet. A bright wave of red wine sloshed over the table.

Both of the women turned to stare at him. _Now I’m a_ drunk _human floozy,_ Elliot thought, aware that finding this funny was probably down to the hysteria. _This is a step forward!_

On the other hand, if he was going to be a drunken floozy he might as well embrace his drunken floozing. “Oh _dear_ , I’m so terribly clumsy,” he said. He moseyed his way over to Serene. He had never tried moseying before, but there was really no other way to describe the wriggle he managed with his hips. “Serene,” he sighed, and draped an arm around her neck. She felt like a collection of angles underneath him, hard and unyielding, but she bent very slightly into his embrace. Elliot kissed her straight on the mouth.

It was a good tactic. Serene was very bad at self-control, and they both enjoyed themselves shamelessly for a moment before Luke’s frantic cough made Serene remember herself and draw away.

“Elliot,” she said, “this is not really a good time for—”

“I think I’m drunk,” Elliot confided, in a whisper audible to everyone at the table. “Also I think Luke is about to faint from his wounds. And really,” he added, gaining confidence with every second that Serene and Sure failed to murder each other, “I am sort of afraid of your mother.”

He could feel Sure’s amused gaze on his back. It made him flush more than could be strictly accounted for by the wine, and it was a prickly, uncomfortable feeling. Elliot was used to embarrassing _other people._

“Well, Serene—” Sure said, but Serene interrupted her

“I am retiring,” she said. “As are Luke and Elliot. Goodnight, Father, dinner was lovely.”

Elliot heaved a sigh of relief and steered her around under the guise of letting her steer him.

Luke was waiting for them at the door. He looked unsteady on his feet, so Elliot held out his hand magnanimously. Luke muttered “You’re drunk. Do you want us _both_ to fall over?” and didn’t take it, because he was still, tragically, a jerk who didn’t understand that Elliot was only acting drunk to extract them all from this terrible, terrible dinner.

“You were right, love,” he heard Sure say from behind them. “Humans aren’t so different from us after all, are they?”

 

*

  
Serene stopped at the door of the Men’s Wing. “You didn’t need to do that for me,” she said.

Elliot put his hand against a nearby tree-carved wall. It was a nice wall and it didn’t move anywhere. “It wasn’t all for you,” he said. Luke sort of twitched. Elliot frowned severely at him. “Which doesn’t mean it was in the _slightest bit_ for you, Mr. Entitled.”

Luke looked like it was taking him an effort not to splutter. “You used your – your _wiles_ to get us out of there."

“Yes! What else was I supposed to do?” Elliot demanded.

“Oh, I don’t know, _not make out with Serene in front of her mother!_ ” Luke said. “You’re just reaffirming everything she thinks about – about us!”

“I didn’t see you doing anything, loser,” Elliot said. “One of us took useful action and one of us sat there like a lump, so you can get off your high horse. What if they’d started _duelling?_ ”

“I would have won,” Serene put in.

“Congratulations,” Elliot announced. He pushed himself off the wall. “Now I really am very close to throwing up! Get killed or kill your mother, what a _great idea!_ ”

“Elliot,” Luke said, “You’re drunk. Duels don’t have to be fatal.”

“It’s easy for you!” Elliot said. “Your family is sickeningly perfect. Don’t start applying what _your_ mother would do.”

“Exactly,” Serene said. “I’m sorry, Luke, but my mother is irredeemable. She sees nothing past her winecup and the nearest man. She won’t ever—”

Elliot rounded on Serene and said, “ _Stop it!_ ”

Both Luke and Serene stopped talking in something like shock.

“I know you’re trying to help but some of it’s you!” Elliot said. “Things are just worse when you’re in a constant fight about me and Luke! And you won’t talk to her about anything _apart_ from us, so–” He broke off as it hit him. Why Sure turned twice as awful when Serene was in the room with him. “Oh God,” he said, “she’s trying to bond with you, isn’t she?”

Serene made an indignant noise of denial.

“Congratulations on acquiring this pretty piece of trouser,” Elliot said maniacally. "Let’s bond in a womanly fashion over this shared interest of ours!"

“You- she- Elliot, I _told_ you I would duel her for you!” Serene said.

“Oh yes, because that would solve everything!” Elliot said. He could feel a sharp bitterness welling up under his words. The sour taste of it was familiar, but he had never, ever used this at Serene. _Stop,_ he told himself. _Stop, there's no coming back from this._ But once the dam was open, to that deep, acid place inside him, he seemed to have no way to stop the words. “Yes, go straight for her throat, have fun being a more vicious version of her! And be sure to ignore that your father obviously adores you, and that your mother is proud of you and just responds _the same way as you_ to challenges, because you’re too wrapped up in hating being home!”

“Do not try and tell me how to deal with my family!”

“You _don’t know how lucky you are!_ ” Elliot flung the words out like daggers. The air was hot and stifling in the sudden silence that reigned the instant after.

Elliot's heart was hammering. He felt like he would choke if he took one more breath. He pulled together the tattered remnants of his dignity and fled into the bedroom he was sharing with Luke.

Well, that was it, he thought. He leaned his wrist against the wall by the cool window and pressed his head against his wrist. He’d always known it would be him that would mess things up, because he was stupid and worthless and didn’t deserve something as good as him and Serene. He didn’t even need his father to tell him that.

He was too preoccupied with staring blankly at the floor to register the footsteps until it was too late.

A clumsy arm settled around his shoulders. “It’s all right,” Luke said awkwardly.

Elliot’s whole back went stiff. “It’s not,” he said. If he shut his eyes tightly enough he could almost pretend this wasn’t happening. And in front of _Luke_. Crying in front of Luke ranked about as desirable as dying from goblins.  “It’s really not.”

Luke tried to pat Elliot’s shoulder. Elliot didn’t relax one inch. If he kept his voice small and tight, he considered, he could probably get to the end of a sentence. “Turn your attention to the immediate logistical problem, loser,” he said.

“What logistical problem?” Luke said. His hand was _still there_. Elliot didn’t know why.

“Now we have to finish this stupid training trek and get back to camp while Serene hates me,” Elliot said to the wall. “That’s three weeks. At least.”

“I don’t think Serene hates you,” Luke said slowly. He glanced away from Elliot.

“Of course she hates me,” Elliot snapped. “You were right there! You heard everything I said!”

“You know,” Luke said carefully, “not everyone you yell at hates you.”

“Stop talking,” Elliot said. “How would you know? Nobody in their right mind wouldn’t.”

Serene’s voice broke in. “Because you are sometimes… right?”

Elliot’s breath stuttered and his shoulders knotted up all over again. “ _Traitor_ ,” he said to Luke. Then Serene’s hand stroked his arm and it was such a relief that he nearly relaxed, even though everything was still awful and Luke still hadn’t got the message about invading people's personal space.

“Not that you are necessarily right about this,” Serene said. Elliot felt a movement against his back, and realised Luke was elbowing her in the ribs. “But you may be on to something,” she added hastily. “You have the most manly intuition of all of us – the most _intuition!_ I meant just intuition!”

Elliot bit down a laugh, because it felt like he might fall over if he laughed, and his stomach was a ball of acid.

"Are we broken up?" he said.

"I - what?" Serene said, "Elliot, Mother and Father have screaming rows that last for weeks. Ceasing to court over a few harsh words would be somewhat premature."

Elliot breathed in. The air tasted of relief.

“I’m going to sit down now,” he said. “You can both stop me falling over.”

He made it to the bed before flopping backwards on it – he tried to flop onto Serene, but Serene and Luke were leaning against each other, their shoulders touching, and Elliot somehow ended up in the middle of the pile. His head was resting against Luke’s leg.

Elliot tried and totally failed to be uncomfortable with this. He stared at the tree-carved ceiling and let everything go a little blurred around the edges. Luke’s blonde head and Serene's dark one loomed above him in concern.

Elliot decided trees weren’t so bad. Maybe being here wasn't too bad, either, because Luke was awake and he and Serene weren't broken up and soon they'd be on their way again. And the bed was soft.

“When we’re done with this stupid trek,” he said, “we should go and see Luke’s mum.”

“Yeah,” Luke said. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“As would I,” Serene said. Her fingertips were gently stroking Elliot’s scalp, parting his hair. Luke’s thigh where he rested his head was warm and solid.

Elliot didn’t say anything, because if he did that might jinx it. He shut his eyes, instead, and turned his face into the warmth of Serene’s hand, pressing his head against Luke’s leg. He very carefully didn't think about a father and son trapped in an empty house, and about a frigid silence that could swallow you whole.

 

*

  
They sneaked out at dawn in fine commando fashion. Serene whispered crisp instructions that took them on a crawling route through bushes and trees, out of sight of the windows. Luke kept hissing at Elliot to keep down.

In spite of his headache, Elliot nobly did not offer his opinions on this more than twice. He even found Luke some twigs to stick in his helmet. Luke brushed him off, because he was too proud to acknowledge Elliot’s brilliance in camouflage.

“Don’t be stupid,” Luke whispered, when Elliot presented him with a daffodil as an alternative. “Keep down. And _bundle up that blanket_.”

“It’s keeping me warm,” Elliot said with dignity. The fluffy woodland creatures were draped fetchingly over his shoulders. “Besides, all these animals are native to this region, so it’s practically camouflage. Some of us don’t have posh warrior cloaks.”

“Are you cold?” Luke said. “Do you want my cloak again? You can have my cloak.”

 “I am not being bribed into shutting up,” Elliot pointed out, just in case Luke had the wrong idea. “This sneaking thing is still dumb.”

“Shh,” Luke said, passing back his cloak without even looking behind him.

Elliot was pleased to be proved totally right five minutes later, when they emerged out of cover to find Serene’s dad leaning against the wall by the gate.

Serene straightened out of a bush, bristling like a wolf caught out of cover. “Father.”

Fire stopped his contemplation of the dawn clouds and smiled at her. Elliot noted she got less bristly, rather than more, as he came over.

Elliot stepped back to give them space and nurse his headache. He tugged Luke back as well.  

“My grown-up girl,” Fire said fondly. He pulled Serene into a hug, and she unbent just enough to allow it. “Your mother would never say it, but she’ll be unhappy you didn’t even leave a note.”

Serene pulled away indignantly. “Her treatment of my friends drove me out of her house!”

“I know, I know,” Fire said. Elliot rather suspected that his tone of affectionate resignation encompassed both of the Chaos-of-Battle women. “But she’s still your mother.”

Serene’s mouth was a flat line. She stared into the middle distance, inscrutable. Fire watched her. There was a moment of intense, elven silence.

Then Fire said, “Can I tell her you love her, at least?”

“ _Fine_ ,” Serene said sulkily.

Fire kissed her cheek. “Take care of yourself, darling,” he said. “Go over the route with your swordsister for a moment. I want to talk to Elliot.”

Serene, obviously mollified by this reference to her and Luke’s beautiful platonic bond, pulled Luke aside and started doing military things to the map.

Elliot took a deep breath and prepared for the take-care-of-my-girl-or-I-will-beat-you-to-death-with-a-shovel talk. “Thank you for your hospitality,” he said brightly. “We’re really very appreciative. Sorry about the abrupt departure – warriors, you know—”

Fire interrupted him by reaching out and seizing his hands. Elliot only just stopped himself from jerking violently away. _You are very unlikely to be attacked by a male elf,_ he told himself severely.

“I’m so pleased Serene has found someone like you,” Fire said.

Elliot had admittedly not seen that one coming.

“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re too out of the ordinary,” Fire said earnestly. “You handled dinner yesterday with tact and grace. Serene needs someone like you to remind her of the softer things in life.”

“Um,” Elliot said, all eloquence temporarily deserting him.

“I know you can see past that proud countenance of hers,” Fire said. There was an emotional glint in his eye that might have been the start of a tear. “I can tell. So few people see the soul beneath.”

Elliot looked at Fire, who lived with Sure, and had screaming arguments with her, and kissed her passionately when he thought the three teenagers weren’t looking. He thought of Sure in the library, looking up instantly when her daughter came in. And he said, “I think I understand.”

Fire released Elliot’s hands and smiled. He was beautiful when he smiled. A lot more beautiful that Elliot was ever going to be.

“You’re going to make someone a wonderful husband some day,” Fire said.

“ _Father_ ,” Serene called, stretching out her hand to extinguish the magic shimmer on the gate. “Are you being embarrassing?”

“Not in the slightest, darling,” Fire said, gesturing Elliot along. He blew Serene a kiss and turned back towards the house.

“What were you talking about?” Luke said, bemused.

Elliot quickly regained his equilibrium. “Oh, you know,” he said. “Manly stuff.”

Serene made a face. She caught herself after an instant, horrified, and tried to rearrange it into an expression of interested understanding. Luke just looked more bemused.

“Let’s go before he wakes your mother,” Elliot said. Luke and Serene both saw the point of that, and they tracked through wooded trails in intent silence.

Soon, they came to a clearing on a rise, where the sun broke through the dawn gloom, and the silence seemed to drop away from them.

“My head still hurts,” Elliot announced. “And I’m cold. Stop while I arrange my finery.” He tied the woodland blanket around his waist and used Luke’s cloak for his shoulders.

Serene unhooked her bow from her shoulder and ran restless fingers along the length of it, checking again and again for non-existent cracks. Eventually she grounded it, and said, “I apologise for my family.”

Elliot assumed that was aimed at Luke. But when he cast a covert glance at him, Luke was absorbed in digging a stone out of the earth with the toe of his boot and didn’t reply.

So Elliot, because he was very tactful, said, “I quite liked them.”

“That is very generous of you, Elliot,” Serene said. “But there is no need for you to pretend. My mother—”

“It’s not your fault,” Luke said abruptly. With the next movement of his foot, the stone came free of the earth and skittered across the clearing. “It’s not your fault, that your mother’s – like that.”

Serene pressed her lips together.

“It’s not like she’s worse than some of the Border Camp boys, is it?” Luke continued, as if each word was a stone he was painstakingly chipping out from a quarry.

Serene’s dark eyes flashed with anger. “My mother could defeat any of them one-handed.”

“I don’t think that’s what he meant,” Elliot said hurriedly. “I really don’t think your mother’s physical prowess is at issue here. Or anywhere. Ever. It’s just.” He stopped.

“It’s just,” Luke said. He started to dig out another stone with his foot.

“It’s probably a human thing,” Elliot offered.

In the uneasy silence that followed, Serene looked from one to the other. “I would never have gone there if we didn’t have to.”

“We know,” Elliot said.

“I _will not_ be like her,” Serene said. “I would face down my whole clan – my whole _race_ for you. For either of you!” She glanced at Elliot’s face. “Or talk to them,” she added, somewhat reluctantly. “If necessary.”

“Yeah,” Luke said, looking relieved. “Yeah, me too.”

They looked at Elliot.

“I am not going to be bullied into public declarations of affection,” Elliot said crossly. “You are both horrible bullies. Give me the map so I can check how many political borders we plan to violate today.”

The tension broke. Serene laughed and ruffled his hair. Luke bumped his shoulder with a very careful fist, as if Elliot might break. Elliot scowled at them and at the map, and as they started off again, tried not to show any hint of the golden warmth that spread down to the tips of his fingers.  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to emilyenrose for brainstorming and beta!


End file.
